I remember a time, before I had my baby, when people would ask me "what do you do?, or "what do you like" when we were introduced. But since becoming a mother, less than a year ago, those questions are replaced with "a boy or girl?" or "how old is your baby?" or "is he sleeping through the night?" Or, in a extremely rare moment, "What did you do before you were a mom?"
Don't get me wrong. I am the proudest mother in the world. I absolute LOVE being a mother, and derive immense joy and peace and excitement in it. But since the birth of Spencer, there are days when I am caught in the midst of repetitive daily rountine, I hate to admit, that I do, sometimes, feel guilty of not using my education and my skills, to earn my paycheck- those are the dark days when I feel that I no longer take part in the "real" world and wonders where my true identity lies.
But just a few days ago I received an email someone forwarded me titled "daily thoughts for woman" and in it, a quote by Kalil Gibran caught my eyes:
"The moment a child is born, a mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new."
I began to wonder how I am doing as a parent. I wonder whether I am growing with my child. I wonder if being a mother makes me a stronger, more confident person. I wonder if I am just as passionate about my life as before nappies and bottles and car seats... and I hope one day I can truly say all the answers are yes. Parenthood for me is filled with challenges to my core values, my beliefs and what I choose to stand for, and I know I want to be the best person I can be so only the best part of me is passed down to my little boy.
After reading the email I wanted to kiss my little boy, and thank him for giving me this honour, for choosing me as his mama. I want to grow with him, let him teach me to see the world again through his eyes, and learn to live in the present moment as he does. I want to embrace my new found "mamahood" with more compassion, love and understanding - and rebuild my own identity on things that truly matter to me.
For I am a mother.
With pride.
No apology.
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