UPDATE... I've fallen off the face of earth and back

Hello whoever it's out there. Jade here again!

Well, I apologize for the long neglect. Allow me to explain. 

So much has happened since my last 'official' post. I started my own business, got way too distracted with juggling various projects; then the most unimaginable news: my father passed away suddenly while working at his beloved soapnut plantation at the Tibetan border. I packed my son on my back, travelled to the end of the world to bring him to his childhood home to rest. I was devastated. That same year I lost a baby. 

We also have been migrating yearly to our little mountain hideout in Andalusia, living off the grid for a few months, with no electricity, no mains water, no internet, no distraction. And while all this travelling back and forth was happening, our baby grew into the most enchanting little boy. He just turned 5 a few days months ago.

So this is the short version of the story about why I've been neglecting this blog. During this time I have learnt to deal with the loss of my father. Even though his physical body may have been cremated; I still believe energy does not die, it transfers. His beautiful soul, his heart, still transfers to all who are open to receiving it. I know, beyond a shadow of all reasonable doubt, that if my world could feel his energy, be his energy, that this world would still be a better place. 

Love your families a little better; hold them a little tighter; appreciate them a little more. 

My father always believed that when the world is against you, when nothing else is going right, you should always be able to depend on your family. That's the family man that he was, and that's the legacy that I want to pass down to my son.

I swear. I’ve started writing this blog post quite a few times. I’ve definitely thought about it a great many times. I’ve sworn, an immeasurable number of times, that no, really, this week, this week is going to be the week I’m just going to sit down and finish this post and get back on the blogging bandwagon. And every time, something else comes up that becomes more important, and it ceases to be a Priority. 

So, - I share with you a few glimpses of my family in the past four years to justify for not posting.

The journey is where growth occurs :-) 

From Parisian to Persian

I have been busy this weekend - making French macarons and some Persian inspired cake baking. 

Macarons (not with "oo") are pretty little temperamental French confectionary. The last time I made them I was at the cooking school, under watchful eyes of the instructor, which is all but a distant memory. So,  since I am having some friends coming around for tea tomorrow, who claimed a fondness for these little treats, I thought I'd whip out my rusty whisk and give these macarons a go.

I decided to start with a simple pistachio macaron recipe. 

I had a bumpy start. I accidentally measured the required pistachio twice. It became hard to scoop out enough because I put them directly on top of the powdered sugar. The batter turned out to be stiffer than I expected.  I almost couldn’t pipe them out of a 12 pt tip into decent circles. My wrists were tired after all that and wondered what results I would be getting. Since they were bigger than I intended I left them 2 minutes longer, a total of around 13 minutes. but lo and behold, perfect feet, perfect macarons! I made a quick batch of chocolate ganache for the filling. Delicious! Initially the pistachio macarons were more like cake inside but the “chewiness” developed the next day.

For the recipe I used:
 125g raw pistachio
 225g powdered sugar
 3 egg whites
 25g granulated sugar

 pinch cream of tartar

Preheat oven to 155*C.

Run pistachios in food processor twice, and powdered sugar and blend till resembles fine meal.

Beat egg whites with granulated sugar and cream of tartar till stiff, then gently fold the pistachio meal into the beaten egg whites, in 6 additions.

Pipe into 1 inch circles and bake for approx. 11minutes, turning the baking sheets half way though!

Et voila!

The taste of these macarons were lovely - not tooth achingly sweet like your regular meringues, they actually taste even better than the store bought ones -  the fragrance of the pistachio more pronounced, with an elegant delicate crust and nutty chewiness that is quite addictive. They even had "pied", the lacy skirty bit like the real Parisian macarons - Happy dance!

Riding on the success of the macarons, I cleaned up my whisks and put on my apron once more, to make a cake for a very special occasion - Duncan's parent's 51 th wedding anniversary. Months ago, I came across this exotic cake recipe called the "Persian Love Cake" and have been itching to make it ever since. It is basically a chiffon cake flavoured with Persian spices - Cardamon, Saffron, lemon zest, rose water and pistachio - and instead of making a regular sized cake, I decided to make mini-cakes as I was pressed for time and needed the cakes before the day ended (only found out on the day that their anniversary was actually a day earlier than I thought)..

The cakes came out beautifully light, with a lovely tender crust, softly perfumed with cardamon and lemon zest. The saffron and rose water whipped cream complimented the cake like a dream! I especially enjoyed decorating these little Persian beauties using pink rose petals from my own garden. I loved the perfumed cream and the delicately spiced cake. It was light and indulgent, and the green pistachio was a lovely touch to go with the pink rose petals! Everyone loved it and I am happy to announce that my confidence is restored a little after making my cakes and eating them. I'll definite make them again!

So this is my adaptation of the recipe : (adapted from Epicurious.com)

4 egg yolks

3 tablespoon raw sugar

2 tablespoon xylitol

1/2 teaspoon salt 
3 Tablespoon (50g) light olive oil, not extra virgin 
7 Tablespoon (100g) milk 
60g sweet rice flour

60g millet flour

1/2 teaspoon xantham gum

1 1/2 teaspoon Baking Powder 
crushed seeds of 10 green cardamon pods
2 Tablespoon lemon zest

4 egg whites
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar 
4 tablespoons raw sugar 

3 tablespoons xylitol

saffron cream:
2 1/2 cups fresh cream
1 pinch saffron
1 1/2 teaspoon rose water
1/3 cup powdered zylitol

1/3 cup powdered raw sugar

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Cream egg yolks with sugar & xylitol, salt, oil and milk until light and fluffy, gently stir in sifted flour and baking powder, lemon zest and cardamon seeds.

In another bowl, whisk the egg whites, sugar and cream of tartar till stiff, glossy and shiny.

Gently fold in the egg whites to the egg yolk batter, be careful not to deflate batter too much. 

Pour batter into ungreased baking pans (lined with parchment paper at the bottom) and bake at 125* C for about 20 minutes and 175* for further 10 minutes (to brown) or you can just bake it at 175* for 30 minutes, until the skewer comes out clean. 

Cool cake upside down on wire rack to prevent sinking. Whip cream with powdered sugars , rose water and saffron. Sandwitch the two cake halves with saffron cream, spread the rest of the cream all over the cake before decorating with crystalised rose petals and pistachios. 

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My note: I used much less sugar and more eggs than the original recipe. I also baked the cake in an unconventional low temperature first so the resulting cake rose perfectly even, without the doomed top or any surface cracks, with a moist, tender crust. I used jumbo muffin pans to make these mini cakes. The batter yielded 7 mini cakes, which is a great size for two people (preferably lovers) to share. I'm thinking of making them into pretty little cupcakes next time!

Be a green mama!

Summer is arriving in the Cape at last! As the cool, unperdictable spring days give way to bright, hot mornings and warm nights, we decided to do some summer planting for our potager.

As some of you may know, I have been composting all my vegetable waste, tea bags and coffee grinds and such, for the last couple of years. Today we dug out some of the lovely old compost from the compost heap, which was beautiful, dark and sweet smelling. Eric our gardener turned the hard ground and worked in the compost, and prepared neat rows for our new planting. With Spencer strapped securely on my back in the Chinese carrier that I made for him, I planted some cheerful rainbow spinach, various types of tomatoes, aubergines, sweet Spanish peppers, sun flowers, coriander and sweet basil, adding to our existing collections of chicken safe vegetables - artichokes, celery, leeks and onions.

While turning the soil, our 11 free-ranging chickens, were only too happy to be scratching around us, looking for signs of earth worms. They have been brilliant at giving us daily fresh eggs. But they are absolute terrorists for my lettuce and seedlings. So Duncan built me this lovely little green house for the tender, young stuff, out of a recycled old window - I am really grateful for my new green house - and am looking forward be able to gather frisee, lettuce and baby Japanese spinach fresh from the garden. As I inspected each newly planted seedling and admired our day's effort, I filled my pocket with fresh thyme, and pondered what lovely dishes I can come up with for my family in the very near future!

Still warm eggs...

Breakfast time

The boys

Losing myself, finding me

I remember a time, before I had my baby, when people would ask me "what do you do?, or "what do you like" when we were introduced. But since becoming a mother, less than a year ago, those questions are replaced with "a boy or girl?" or "how old is your baby?" or "is he sleeping through the night?" Or, in a extremely rare moment, "What did you do before you were a mom?"

Don't get me wrong. I am the proudest mother in the world. I absolute LOVE being a mother, and derive immense joy and peace and excitement in it. But since the birth of Spencer,  there are days when I am caught in the midst of repetitive daily rountine, I hate to admit, that I do, sometimes, feel guilty of not using my education and my skills, to earn my paycheck- those are the dark days when I feel that I no longer take part in the "real" world and wonders where my true identity lies.

But just a few days ago I received an email someone forwarded me titled "daily thoughts for woman" and in it, a quote by Kalil  Gibran caught my eyes:

"The moment a child is born, a mother is also born.          

She never existed before. 

The woman existed, but the mother, never.

A mother is something absolutely new."

I began to wonder how I am doing as a parent. I wonder whether I am growing with my child. I wonder if being a mother makes me a stronger, more confident person. I wonder if I am just as passionate about my life as before nappies and bottles and car seats... and I hope one day I can truly say all the answers are yes. Parenthood for me is filled with challenges to my core values, my beliefs and what I choose to stand for, and I know I want to be the best person I can be so only the best part of me is passed down to my little boy.

After reading the email I wanted to kiss my little boy, and thank him for giving me this honour, for choosing me as his mama. I want to grow with him, let him teach me to see the world again through his eyes, and learn to live in the present moment as he does. I want to embrace my new found "mamahood" with more compassion, love and understanding - and rebuild my own identity on things that truly matter to me.

For I am a mother.

With pride.

No apology.